The Facts of Life
by lost the plot
Summary: Draco becomes a girl and then Hermione has to explain to him the facts of life


The Facts of Life  
  
A/N Well a friend of Frisha's and mine had a dream on Saturday night and Frisha made me write it (because of my natural talent at writing Draco – ha!!) Well it's only a ficlet but I think you will enjoy it and I hope you give me the reviews it deserves as she was really freaked out, and she will be calmed by a large number of reviews.  
  
This is dedicated to a dear friend – BrokenSkye, go check her fic Unforgettable in Every Way. Oh and Frisha, my bestest friend who bullied me into writing this.  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, but they have temporarily been borrowed to play out this dream. Unfortunately they don't act the way they usually do but I'm sure JKR won't mind (too much).  
  
Thanks, here it goes...  
  
Draco Malfoy walked down the corridor with his two henchmen half a step behind; he entered the Library while Crabbe and Goyle hurried down to the kitchens. Draco was here for a purpose; he wanted to find Hermione Granger. He had a little problem that he felt she could help him with. He hesitently sat down opposite her and pushed some books out of the way to see her - a few accidentally landing on the floor - but he refused to pick them up.  
  
"Granger, I want to ask you something." Draco started.  
  
"Why are you asking me? I'm a Gryffindor and a 'mudblood' so I thought that you hated me. And you'll never get anything out of me if you throw my books on the floor." Hermione could be pure evil when she wanted to be, and was prepared to hex anyone into next week if they disturbed her revision for too long.  
  
"Well, I needed to talk to a girl." Draco said sheepishly as he swiftly bent and scooped the books up, "What are these? Bricks? 'Advanced Arithmacy for the interested Wizard', are you crazy!?"  
  
"No more than usual - and ask Parkinson."  
  
"She's a Slytherin and they- well we've never heard of confidentiality."  
  
"Ah. So what do you want?" Hermione was getting impatient now, shuffling her books irratibly.  
  
"Well, is there anywhere quieter?"  
  
"No, just spill already. You have 48 seconds now, until I hex you."  
  
"I've already been hexed, which is what the problem is! Some 3rd year Hufflepuff 'accidentally' hit me with some curse that she was practising. It wasn't the best curse to hit a boy, and it... it well, it turned..." "Spit it out." "It turned me female!" Malfoy squeaked, " I have breasts, a squeaky voice and well, there's something bleeding down there."  
  
"Boys are so ignorant." Hermione stated, moving her papers to the side as she rolled here eyes, "Let's start with the basics, how come you look normal?"  
  
"Concealing charms, they are great for bruises, but work for this as well. The voice is courtesy of some old book I have." Draco almost wished that he were at home so that none of this had ever happened. Although that ment that he wouldn't have his favourite victems around to take his annoyance out on.  
  
"Well, the blood is your period Draco." Hermione tried to say it soothingly but burst out laughing, only to be silenced by Madam Pince, who glared over her glasses at them.  
  
"Period?" Draco asked vaguely. Wasn't that what they called a full-stop in North America?  
  
"You are trying to tell me that you never had sex ed. as a kid." Draco shook his head slowly, his eyes taking on a vague look.  
  
"I never went to one of those muggle schools. I just came straight here, after home tutoring of course."  
  
"Of course," Hermione rolled her eyes again, "Right then, this could be a little tricky. Once a month girls release an egg from their ovaries, which travels down the fallopian tube. While this is happening there is a layer of blood forming around the walls of the uterus, this is to act as a cushion should a baby start growing, but only if the egg is fertilised. So then the egg gets stuck to part of the uterus wall and stays there for a couple of days. At the end of the cycle the blood and egg is all expelled from the body, giving a girl a period. You don't need to worry it's perfectly normal for a girl your age." She panted for breath.  
  
"Oh my. . . I never knew that. Em, is there anything else that could be important?"  
  
"The week before her period a girl gets more irritable, eats slightly differently and retains a little more water than usual. They call it PMT or PMS, pre menstrual tension and pre menstrual stress. That's why Parkinson only chases you for 3 weeks out of every 4." Hermione said with a smirk.  
  
"I always wondered about that. That's horrible; I want to be a guy again." Draco looked distinctly worried and almost un-Malfoy like.  
  
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but us girls only get them once a month, for about 42 years. They say we only get around 500 in our lifetime." Hermione said a bit too sarcastically.  
  
"I forgot, sorry."  
  
"Hang on, did THE Draco Malfoy just apologise to me, Hermione Granger, of muggle birth?" She pretended to be shocked, her hand coming up to mouth.  
  
"Yes, now how do I get rid of this period thing?"  
  
"Maybe I could see if I can reverse the curse first." The research sparkle came into Hermione's eyes and she grabbed a book from a nearby shelf and started to skim read.  
  
"It's non reversible, once I have learnt what it is to be like a girl then I get changed back to myself. There's no point trying Granger, just put the book down." Draco sighed theracticaly.  
  
"Hm? Ah, minor set back never mind. For now I need to show you how to use pads and tampons. Come on, you get a sneaky view of Gryffindor tower."  
  
"Pads and what?" Draco asked as he followed Hermione out of the large double doors. She seemed to be headed up, and up, and up. I can see why Gryffindorks are so fit, if they have to go up all of these stairs everyday, Draco thought as he puffed his way to the top.  
  
Eventually Hermione stopped in front of a large portrait of a lady, who was rather fat and seemed to have a friend over. The two ladies looked at each other and then at Draco.  
  
"Should I let him in Vi?" The fat lady asked.  
  
"If he's going in with her then you can't stop them." Violet answered.  
  
"But remember what Sirius Black did to Harry and Ron's things that year, and to me for that matter."  
  
"Calm down, Miss what's the password?" Violet asked as the fat lady burst into loud sobs.  
  
"Parseltongue, Violet." Hermione answered quickly. The portrait swung forward and Hermione stepped in. "Maybe you should wait here, I'll be back in two seconds." Draco stood in the corridor and watched the lady called Violet say soothing things to the fatter lady. Hermione emerged a second later and grabbed his arm.  
  
"You know, that is a Slytherin password." Draco commented.  
  
"Sorry that Voldemort transferred some of his powers into Harry then. Why are you still horrible? I would have thought that being a girl and having me help you would get you down."  
  
"No, Malfoy's don't get down. Ahh!" Draco screamed as Hermione pulled him in next to the wall.  
  
"Here's the girls pass card for the toilets, I want it back. In this bag you will find everything you need to get you sorted for a couple of days." Draco lurked in the corridor near the girl's bathrooms before he approached the door. He lifted the pass card up, and almost swiped it when Crabbe and Goyle came along. He quickly jumped in front of the boy's door and let himself in. (Er, part of the dream was having swipe cards to get into the toilets, so you could only get into 1, your own sex.)  
  
A couple of minutes later he went into the corridor again, before he hurriedly opened the girl's door. Damn, he thought as Cho Chang and her friends ran out screaming. Hermione had checked the toilets but obviously the Ravenclaws came along and went in afterwards. Draco entered the nearest cubicle and locked the door. He took out the bag and checked what Hermione had given him. He found a folded packet thing and a couple of what appeared to be torpedoes on strings. There was a little instruction leaflet that he read quickly before he took his trousers down, and sat heavily on the toilet seat. He unfolded one of the 'pads' and started attempting to stick it to his boxers.  
  
From Draco's position in the toilet cubicle he could hear footsteps in the corridor, closely followed by voices. Draco froze as still as a statue in his bent over position as he realised to whom the voices belonged.  
  
"Greg, look. The girl's toilet door's open, I dare you to go in." Vince said dumbly.  
  
"Nah, Vince I dare you to go in." Greg retorted. (Wow, he can retort)  
  
"Aw, we'll go in together." Vince suggested.  
  
"Great idea Vince." Greg pushed the door open wider, so that they could both fit through, and then they advanced.  
  
A/N Well, that's it. I hope you liked it and that you think it is worthy of a review or two. Thank you everyone who does review and of course to the friend whose dream it is. She needs lots of reviews to get her back to normal, she went a little cookoo (mad) after the dream, and she hasn't been right since.  
  
Oh, BTW here's a link to BrokenSkye's bio well as mine  
  
www.fanfiction.net/~fishnetfairy 


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